


We're Drunk As Dicks

by magicitself



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, myeoff, request fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 14:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1822411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicitself/pseuds/magicitself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Truth be told, Geoff wasn’t exactly sure how it had gotten to this point.</p>
<p>Sure, he’d been present for the majority of the event but even if he wasn’t a little bit drunk, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to understand how point A connected to point - point this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Drunk As Dicks

**Author's Note:**

> Request fic by anonymous on tumblr! They wanted some myeoff, and seeing how I LOVE myeoff, there was really no question about whether or not I would write it.

Truth be told, Geoff wasn’t exactly sure how it had gotten to this point.

Sure, he’d been  **present**  for the majority of the event but even if he wasn’t a little bit drunk, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to understand how point A connected to point - point  _this_.

“Hey, I asked Geoff first.” Michael slurred, and his eyes narrowed dangerously as he took a step forward. He swayed, and Geoff worried for a moment that the male would topple over, but Michael raised his forward foot and slammed it down to balance himself again. He never broke eye-contact with Ryan despite nearly falling backwards and cracking his skull open, and Geoff had to admit, in his drunken haze, he was a little bit impressed.

“Maybe you did, but  ** _I_** didn’t see you. Besides - it’s not finders keepers. Geoff never agreed.” Ryan pointed out, and even though his words were contice - concise? Geoff was pretty sure it was something like that … - his words were a little jumbled and slow too.

Michael snorted, even though Geoff saw his temper flare in the way that his expression grew tighter. “Shut the fuck up, Ryan. Pretty sure he’d go with me rather than you.”

“You were also pretty sure you would be able to handle drinking more than you usually do, and you weren’t exactly right about that either, were you?”

_Uh oh._  Geoff blinked tiredly, and stumbled up out of his seat to plant his hands on both of their chests.

At least, that’s what Geoff  _thought_  he did. He blinked again and realized that he was still sitting down, and when he made a move to get up, he almost tripped over nothing and landed head first on the pavement.

Somehow, amidst all their arguing over him, the other two hadn’t noticed. Typical.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Geoff managed to get out, finding authority in his voice, and he actually gave an owlish blink in surprise when the other two paused in their arguing and turned to look at him.

“Huh. That’s a first…” He murmured to himself. Usually they’d carry on doing -- whatever they did, Geoff typically tended to try and not pay much attention to the stupid antics his employees got up to -- despite Geoff’s explicit wishes and verbal commands not to.

The fact that they were both shitfaced and actually listened was practically a miracle.

“Come on, ladies. You’re both pretty.” He tried, and a soft chuckle escaped him at the memory of Ray saying it to Jack and Gavin earlier on that week. Might as well take a page out of the kid’s book, right? Seems to work well enough for the guy, and besides - it was funny. Geoff liked funny.

“No need to lie Geoff. Ryan’s old enough to hear the truth.” Michael retorted hotly, but he was no longer facing Ryan.

Good thing too, because the look Ryan sent Michael’s way was enough to make Geoff wonder if he had gotten over his fear of snakes, because that look had been fucking  _venomous_.

Shaking his head, Geoff raised both his hands, waving them up and down, palms down, as he made shushing noises.

“I said what I meant - meant what I said, rather. Uhhh…”

A pause.

Huh.

“Hold on...What’re we talking about?” Geoff asked, and rubbed at his mouth. His mustache tickled his fingers, and he watched Ryan and Michael exchange glances - unfortunately, not friendly ones.

“Wait...are you saying you don’t know?” Ryan asked, words a little less slurred.

“I mean...sorta? I know it’s about me but that could be anything. I clocked out around the third minute you guys were still going at it...You guys argue a lot, you know that? Fucking stubborn as dicks, both of you. Seriously though...what on Earth were you guys arguing about?”

There was a hearty pause this time, and Geoff watched in amusement as the two of them refused to answer, choosing instead to shift on their feet and look away. It seemed like they were starting to sober up, Geoff included. Granted, they had only been a few drinks in, all tipsy and riiiight on the cusp of being ‘drunk’, but still.

“Oh, don’t give me any of that. You guys were at each other’s throats just a moment ago. Or do I need to go up to someone nearby who might’ve heard and ask them?”

“Uhhh-” Michael began, and Ryan joined in.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, Geoff…”

“So then tell me what the fuck you guys were up to!” Geoff demanded, voice cracking a little as it raised half an octave at the end. His cheeks were rosy and there was still that warmth settled in the pit of his stomach, just as there always was when he was pleasantly buzzed. “I am too drunk enough to deal with this.” He stated. “And not  _nearly_  drunk enough to deal with it, either.”

At that, both Ryan and Michael cracked smiles, and Michael ran his hand over his mouth and to the side, and Ryan scratched at the side of what were the beginnings to a beard.

“Honestly?” Michael finally said, having resolved to just get the fuck over it and get it the fuck over. “Ryan and I kinda...Well, we wanna take you on a date. Except - you know.” Michael shot a dark glance Ryan’s way, jealousy bubbling up in his expression. “You choose who to go on a date with.”  _And don’t pick Ryan,_ was the silent adage that Michael expressed solely through his stare.

“And  _only_ _you_. Don’t let what  _ **either**_  -” Ryan shot Michael a look right back, before turning to face Geoff with a much calmer, less intimidating stare. Which was good. Because Geoff was starting to sweat a little from the heat, and it definitely wasn’t coming from the bright bulbs of light above them. “-of us want, influence you.”

They were both looking at him now, and Geoff found himself processing the information in his brain.

“So...both of you guys want to go on a date with me.” He stated for clarification purposes, and watched as both of them nodded. “And you want me to choose who I go on a date with?” Another nod.

Geoff shifted, and licked his lips before pinning them both under his gaze. He may have been drunk (although significantly less drunk than he had been just five minutes ago. Finding out two of your coworkers wanted to go on a date with you had a surprisingly sobering effect), but he still had the ability to make people uncomfortable with the intensity of his stare.

“What makes you guys think I’d want to go on a date with either of you?” He asked.

Both of them seemed at a loss then, and after a few seconds of internal struggle which wasn’t so internal, considering they were both wearing their thoughts on their expressions, Michael gave a slow shrug and Ryan looked oddly defeated. Both of them looked surprised at the thought, and Geoff almost shook his head in disbelief.

Seriously. He got that they were all drunk, but they didn’t consider the fact that he might turn them down?

Amazing.

“I’m not saying I don’t want to,” Geoff quickly amended, and his gaze shifted from Michael to Ryan and back. “But - seems to me like you guys were pretty sure of yourselves there.”

“Oh. Well uh-”

“We just kinda...assumed that-”

Both of them were stumbling over their words, Ryan more-so than Michael, and Michael eventually gave a nonchalant shrug before quieting down.

And it was kind of amusing, he had to admit, in some weird powerplay kind of sense, to see how seriously they took that. Which - alright, getting turned down, by your boss no less, wasn’t exactly an experience anyone wanted to voluntarily go through but.

“...I pick who, right?”

Michael licked his lips. Ryan shifted again, straightened his posture a little.

Both of them were looking at Geoff a lot more intensely now, and while it was a little disturbing and unnerving having so much of their attention on him (barring Michael, it didn’t happen often, okay?) it was pretty cool, too.

Geoff kind of felt like a king, no lie.

“Yeah, that’s how it typically goes.” Michael piped up, lips quirking up a little.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to…” Ryan said slowly, almost sounding suspicious, and Geoff cleared his throat and smoothed his expression out after realizing he had a look on his face, one that mirrored his ‘I’m planning something super sneaky and none of you know what it is until I tell you. Which is soon.’ look.

“No, no,” Geoff said, his voice a little high as he waved Ryan’s concerns off, and he cleared his throat again.

“Well. Since executive decision is up to me … Ryan. Let’s go on a date.”

There was a second of silence, awed, when Ryan’s face almost lit up in delight before he realized that Michael was still there, and he cast a hesitant glance over at the shorter male.

Michael looked like he had swallowed a lemon and was trying not to show it, and Geoff almost felt guilty for causing it.

Almost.

“Don’t give me that look, Michael.” He chided gently. “You’re gonna go on a date with me, too.”

And that  **really** caused a reaction.

“Hold on - huh? Geoff … what’re you --?” Ryan asked, and his brows jumped up, down, and quirked through his words. Geoff found himself staring at them for a moment before blinking himself out of the faint daze and he crossed his arms, raising his own brows at Ryan inquisitively.

“What? I thought I choose. And I chose both of you.”

“...Geoff. You know it doesn’t work that way, right?” Michael asked, even though he looked significantly less dour than he had just moments ago.

“So? I’m boss.  _ **I**_ make the rules.” Geoff said firmly, and gave a tiny grin that raised the apples of his cheeks at their perplexed looks. He let out a quiet ‘hee hee’ of delight, and almost did a little jiggle on his feet.

“Besides,” Geoff’s grin turned sly, a cheshire smirk curling his lips. “While  **we’re** all on  **our** date,  _ **together**_ , you guys can work out those differences of yours. Capiche?”

There was no room in his voice for any argument, they knew, because Geoff wasn't so much  **asking** them as he was  **telling.**

But three people on a date? Ryan and Michael didn't even like each other that way, and Ryan was pretty sure Michael would try and rip his throat out and use his blood as ketchup. Nothing about this was spelling 'good news'. In fact, it was pretty much the opposite.

"This isn't going to end well." Ryan murmured.

Geoff barked out a laugh, stepping up to them and patting them both on the back.

"It's gonna be fine. The only thing that's not going to end well is this night if I have to listen to you two bicker again, though. How about some more drinks?"


End file.
